July 29, 2009

Donnie Darko

Director / Writer:
Richard Kelly

Jake Gyllenhaal (The gay cowboy that gave Heath Ledger AIDS and killed him)
Maggie Gyllenhall (The hot sister. The. Hot. Sister.)
Patrick Swayze (Back from bothering Whoopi Goldberg from the dead and reincarnated as a kiddie fiddler)
Some other people

Time travel without a DeLorean. Donnie knows the secrets of time travel but everyone thinks he's crazy so he gets sent to therapy where he masturbates in the office. We find out why Harvey was invisible all those years ago. Mother nature sat on his face and hatched out an ugmeister.

A Jumbo jet engines falling through the sky and distracting me from Donnie's hot sister while Donnie is in therapy for burning things that the weird ugly rabbit told him to do and he does all of them because he thinks he can travel through time and just when he thinks he has it sussed Patrick Swayze turns out to be a kiddie fiddler but it's ok really because Donnie's sister is still hot and then Donnie's bit of fluff gets run over by the weird ugly rabbit who turns out to be a dude in a rabbit suit that he was seeing from the future, so maybe he can travel through time, so he gets on a plane to try and prove it but the engine from the wing falls off and crashes into his house below killing him because he was in bed at the same time as being on the plane.

Donnie has a hot sister. Everything else is just filler as far as I can tell. I've watched it twice and still don't understand it, but critics seem to love it.